As parents, we want to do whatever it takes to make our children feel loved, safe, and supported. This is even more true of parents who have children facing a cancer diagnosis. If we’re honest with ourselves, however, we don’t always have the right words to say or actions to take that comfort our children in the way we would want.
Childhood cancer is scary, but parents that are well-equipped to support their children in the ways they need most can ease the fear and isolation that can come with cancer treatment.
Here are a few meaningful ways you, as a parent, can support your child as they battle cancer.
Parents, Support Your Child in These 5 Ways...
Make it Safe for Emotions
Children are too young to clearly process and communicate their emotions. They may not recognize what they are feeling or know how to cope — which can manifest as acting out or symptoms of depression. Unfortunately, adults often shut down “inappropriate” emotional expressions. For example, a parent telling a crying child to stop crying without addressing what it is they are upset about. It may be something small or inconsequential to us, but to our children, it can be a big deal.
Make it safe and okay for your child to express their emotions by giving them avenues to process and release emotion. This can be through journaling, talking with them, giving them a punching bag, or art supplies. There are many ways to show children how to healthily express their emotions — be it sadness, fear, anger, or hope. Make it clear that their emotions are valid and that you are listening if they want to express those feelings to you.
Give Them the Vocabulary
Whether we like it or not, people (especially other children) are likely to ask your child about their diagnosis. As a parent, you can help your child by discussing what they are comfortable talking about and how they want to talk about it. Talk through strategies for if they do not want to talk about it or answer questions so that they do not feel lost or uncomfortable. By giving them the words to say, words that they are comfortable with communicating, you give them greater control over their own privacy.
Tell the Truth
While we often want to shield our children from painful things, it does more harm than good to keep your child in the dark about the details of their diagnosis and treatment. Naturally, what you tell your child should be accurate and age-appropriate. They do not need every last detail! However, being honest about the procedures they will undergo, the bodily changes that may happen, and what their body is fighting lends them greater understanding — understanding that helps ease fears and instill a sense of agency.
Make Social Connections
Childhood cancer treatment can be an enormously isolating experience. While, as a parent, you have a lot on your plate to manage, be sure to prioritize your child’s social needs. In the modern age of coronavirus, there are even more challenges to consider, especially if your child is immunocompromised due to their treatments.
However, digital connections are valuable, too. Help your child communicate with the friends with which they wish to communicate, or help them find an age-appropriate support group. Social connections need not be limited to their age group, however. Connecting your child with a childhood cancer survivor, trusted family friend, pastor, nurse, or teacher can also be an enormous pillar of support in their lives.
Instill Trust & Confidence
Finally, instill trust in your child. It’s not so much about trusting you, but more about helping them trust their medical caregivers. Going through any medical procedure can be anxiety-inducing and scary, particularly for a child who may or may not fully understand what is going on or why. Talk positively about their doctors, nurses, and other caregivers and build real relationships with them. This will help your child feel less alone and less vulnerable during their treatment.
Be wary of discussing matters that may bring your child undue stress or feelings of guilt. While you should not “pretend” that things are okay, avoid venting about your own stress, money, or other frustrations related to their treatment where your child can hear. There is a time and place to express your feelings (and you should!) but beware of how they can negatively impact your child.
At the end of the day, as a parent, be there for your child. Be there to listen, love, and support them in the ways that they need most.
Ultimately, parents and their children have the best outcomes when they are supported by their team — family, friends, and community. Together, we can kick cancer!