A cancer diagnosis changes everything for your child. It throws them into a scary, unknown world. It should come as no surprise, then, that cancer is a big source of stress! As a parent, you’re not only at the helm of their medical journey, but you’re also their emotional anchor.
Children with cancer face plenty of stress from physical discomfort and the fear of the unknown to disrupted routines and social isolation. And because they’re kids, they don’t always have the words to express what they’re feeling.
Understanding how children show stress and learning how to respond can make a powerful difference in their emotional well-being…and even in treatment outcomes!
Children often express emotional distress through their bodies.
Young kids may complain of stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue, often with no apparent medical cause. Older children and teenagers may experience sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, or overall aches and pains.
Cancer can trigger intense emotions at any age, and children don’t often know how to manage those emotions.
Young children may become unusually clingy or have separation anxiety. School-aged children may exhibit increased irritability, sadness, or fear. Teenagers may seem withdrawn, angry, or depressed. (And they may try to hide their emotions to avoid burdening or worrying their parents.)
Changes in behavior are often a child’s way of coping with feelings they can’t verbalize.
Toddlers and preschoolers may regress with thumb sucking, tantrums, or bedwetting. School-aged children may become defiant, overly compliant, or anxious about routines being disrupted. These are often a result of their stress response (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn). Teens might engage in risky behaviors or push boundaries more than usual.
Stress can affect concentration, memory, and self-esteem. This can cause kids to have trouble focusing on schoolwork. They may express fears about death or worry obsessively about treatment. Kids of all ages might ask repetitive questions to seek reassurance. Try to stay patient.
The good news is this: parents have a tremendous influence. Even during the toughest moments, your support helps your child feel safe and grounded.
In a world of doctor’s appointments and procedures, structure helps kids feel secure. No matter where you are:
Children need safe outlets to express their feelings. This can include:
Children sense when something is wrong. They’re a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for! Offer truthful, age-appropriate information to build trust and reduce fear.
Children often copy how their parents respond to stress—model effective stress management techniques for them.
Social connection is crucial, even when your child can’t be as social as they’d like. Keep in touch with friends, classmates, and extended family through video calls, letters, or apps like Marco Polo. Pursue support groups or cancer camps to help your child feel less alone.
Hey—Don’t do this alone. You have a host of professionals waiting to help your child! Pediatric oncology teams often include child life specialists, psychologists, and social workers. These professionals are trained to support the emotional and developmental needs of patients during treatment.
And don’t forget to take care of yourself. Your emotional well-being affects your child. Period. Reach out to friends, therapists, or support groups for help. You are part of your child’s care team, too!
Stress is a completely natural, understandable response to a cancer diagnosis—for both children and parents. However, with the right support, children can develop resilience, feel safe, and discover small moments of joy. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just be present, listen, and respond compassionately. It goes a long, long way!