“Cancer is so limited...It cannot cripple love. It cannot shatter hope. It cannot corrode faith. It cannot eat away peace. It cannot destroy confidence. It cannot kill friendship. It cannot shut out memories. It cannot silence courage…” – Author Unknown
When your family has a child with cancer, hope can seem far away. Daring to hope isn’t easy, especially when life seems so unfair.
But hope keeps us going. Hope tells us that there’s something better on the other side of grief and pain. It isn’t easy to hope, but it’s well worth it in the end.
Hope isn’t just about a better future. It makes the present more bearable, too. Psychological research shows us that a hopeful outlook improves physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It can help mitigate stress and anxiety. It can spur us on to positive action. Hopeful people believe that they can make a difference and take control of their lives.
When everything seems out-of-control, that’s enormously valuable.
Hope isn’t delusional.
To some, holding on to hope can seem like denial. But hope isn’t ignoring the problems, the pain, and the setbacks – it merely chooses to keep going despite them. Hope is refusing to give up.
Not only can hospitals be cold and uncomfortable, but so can the process of cancer treatment. Pediatric cancer patients are bound to wrestle with unseen side-effects from radiation and chemo, like bodily pain and discomfort. You can alleviate those pains with thoughtful creature comforts: a cozy new pair of pajamas, a snuggly new blanket, a huggable body pillow, or a backrest pillow.
You might think what’s there to be thankful for? In the middle of crisis and sickness, gratitude can be challenging. If you look, though, you will find plenty of things worth celebrating. Start a list of things you are grateful for each day. It might be as small as a good cup of coffee and nice weather or as big as a great pediatric cancer care team and successful treatment.
Gratitude helps you look forward to things, see the good, and hope for the future.
What do you have to look forward to? Right now and especially during the pandemic, it seems like the stress and heartache of it all will never end. Remind yourself that there are things to look forward to, big and small. A shared family meal, the weekend, trips to the park, the release of a new movie, kind visitors…
You don’t just have big, life-changing events to look forward to. Find joy in hoping for the small, delightful things in life.
“Doomscrolling” is an out-of-control habit many of us formed during the pandemic. While it’s good to stay informed, it’s okay to unplug. The constant onslaught of tragedy and bad news we see in the media only serves to bring your spirits down when your family is dealing with a personal crisis of your own. Be mindful of how time is spent on social media. There are good, encouraging things to find if you look for them.
Self-care is key to mental and emotional well-being. It’s hard to hope when you feel worn down in body and spirit. Give yourself room to breathe and to take care of yourself. That goes for you, your spouse, your child with cancer, and any other children you may have. Create spaces to decompress. Find a creative outlet or a favorite hobby. Focus on eating well and getting quality sleep. These things all impact your attitude and outlook!
As parents, we must be especially mindful of how we think, talk, and express ourselves. Children pick up on more than we realize, and your outlook can ultimately shape theirs, too. Catastrophizing (expecting the worst outcomes), for example, will diminish your sense of hope. If you find yourself spiraling down into a sea of negative thoughts, know that you aren’t helpless against them.
Take these thoughts captive and reframe them. Recognize when anxiety and fear are causing you to lie to yourself. There are challenges in front of you, but hope is not lost. Life does not end here. Negative thoughts can be like a runaway freight train. Be the conductor. Take charge.
Not only can reframing and speaking the truth over your negative thoughts improve your mental wellbeing, but it can prevent your negativity from dragging down the people around you.
Hope is worth holding on to. We kick cancer when we’re in this together – fighting alongside brave kids with cancer!