For families facing a child’s cancer journey, navigating all sorts of new and often frightening circumstances can be a terrifying prospect. You’re unlikely to have all the right words to bring the comfort you so desperately hope to bring.
While that initial conversation with your child about their diagnosis is tough, it isn’t the only difficult conversation you’ll have before it’s all said and done. Whether you’re having to explain a medical procedure, the side effects of a new medication, or some disappointing news, it’s never any easier.
With that said, part of what does help ease the burden of having tough conversations with a child with cancer is knowing how to best approach them. It might still hurt, but you’ll have the courage and confidence to deliver information that is clear and encouraging.
Your child’s age and maturity will greatly impact how you explain something to them. The younger they are, the less you will rely on anatomical terminology or other technical aspects of the procedure. As they get older, you can more comprehensively explain.
Let them know not only what is going to happen, but why. If you’re not sure they understood, have your child explain it back to you. This will help solidify their confidence and yours.
One great fear for children is being left alone with strangers. A doctor’s appointment or hospital stay is bound to be full of unfamiliar faces! As you won’t be able to accompany your child into the operating room, they might be fearful of your absence. Help them out by asking their doctors and nurses to introduce themselves and engage with your child so they don’t feel so alone.
Most pediatric doctors and nurses are adept at building a rapport with their patients – so allow them to do it! It may help to mention that your child is feeling nervous and needs extra reassurance.
Additionally, this familiarity helps children feel more comfortable asking questions and for extra help. It’s not just about easing separation anxiety but also about forming lasting relationships with their caregivers – relationships that can make their cancer journey that much more manageable.
Children in different age groups will wrestle with different fears and anxieties about medical procedures. Babies and toddlers, for example, are more prone to separation anxiety. They also tend to be more affected by strange schedules and interrupted sleep. Older children might be afraid of feeling pain, experiencing side effects, or having scars because of procedures.
Allow your child to express these fears and do your best to mitigate them. Sometimes their fears are unfounded and sometimes they will be very real. While you can’t prevent their fears from coming true, you can help them understand that these fears will pass and that you’re beside them every step of the way.
Your child is bound to have questions. Some of those questions you may hesitate to answer, not because you don’t know the answer, but because you fear it will scare your child. That may be the case – but the unknown is often more frightening than the known! Have their doctor sit down with you so that you can answer their questions in a way that won’t leave them scared but armed with knowledge and confidence.
For a child, an invasive medical procedure or side effects from a new medicine can make them feel totally out of control of their own lives. This lack of agency can be extremely stressful, even for young toddlers! Help your child by offering them choices whenever you can. It may be as simple as letting them choose their bandage after getting a shot, which stuffed animal to bring, or what you will have for lunch that day. You might not be able to offer many choices regarding their procedure, but you can still lend them some control and agency over other aspects of life: something that can be a great comfort.