Nothing seems more life-altering than these two words: it’s cancer. For so many parents and guardians, this is the painful reality they face. When your child receives a cancer diagnosis, everything will change. It can be overwhelming for even the strongest people. 

Our kids need their support system to be mentally and emotionally healthy so we can offer the comfort, reassurance, and love that they need throughout this journey. But how can parents possibly prepare for such a huge change? 

Something so unexpected and scary can feel paralyzing. Follow these steps to help adapt and overcome for your child’s sake...and your own!

8 Steps to Healthy Coping with a Child’s Cancer Diagnosis

Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's normal to experience a range of emotions, including shock, fear, guilt, and anger. Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge these emotions without judgment. There’s no right way to feel when it comes to cancer. Everyone will experience different emotions. What’s important is that you acknowledge and strive to work through these feelings, so they don’t negatively affect your child.

Seek Support

Reach out to friends, family, or a support network of fellow cancer parents. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can offer comfort and perspective. You don’t need to share everything all the time but give yourself permission to be vulnerable. Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it. If you feel overwhelmed or hopeless, seek the help of a mental health professional. They can give guidance, coping strategies, and emotional support.

Give Yourself Time to Process

Understand that it takes time to adjust to significant changes like these. Cancer throws a wrench into everything. Dealing with the ways your family’s life is about to change isn’t like flipping a switch. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to adapt all at once, and be patient as you navigate through the emotions and uncertainties.

Focus on What You Can Control

Cancer seems to take away our sense of control. For parents that always want to protect their children, these feelings of helplessness can be profoundly painful. Focus on what you can control. Concentrate on what is within your power to change. When you do, you’ll regain a sense of agency and power that can be encouraging to your child.

Practice Self-Care

Your child needs you to be at your best. Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Get enough sleep, eat nourishing foods, and engage in activities that bring you joy. Exercise and mindfulness practices also help. You can’t pour out from an empty cup – so be sure you’re caring for yourself.

Maintain Routine Where Possible

Children need a sense of stability and routine. It makes them feel safe and comfortable. Cancer can disrupt that with hospital visits, medical procedures, and all sorts of unfamiliar experiences. Where you can, keep a routine. This sense of normalcy will help you, your child, and the family cope.

Educate Yourself

Cancer is scary. If you’ve never faced it, you might not understand what’s really going on. Even then, pediatric cancer is a whole different animal that demands a unique approach to treatment. When you educate yourself – understanding what this disease is, the different ways it’s treated, the potential side effects and outcomes – you better equip yourself to process it and help your child. 

Set Realistic Expectations

Accept that the process of adjusting to a major life change is not linear, and setbacks are normal. Just like the stages of grief, no one just goes through them in order and calls it a done deal. You’ll go back and forth between emotions and mindsets. Some days will be harder than others. But don’t be hard on yourself. 

You’re doing your best. No one expects you to cope perfectly. Be gentle with yourself. Remember, your child is dealing with many of the same emotions – and for a kid, they can be even more intense and overwhelming. When you handle your own struggles and feelings with grace and self-compassion, your child will be better able to do the same.

Cancer will change your life. There’s no getting around that. However, the way you deal with those changes can be the difference between letting grief swallow you whole or coming out on the other side. Taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically is key in supplying the best care possible for your child.  

And remember – even when it feels like it, you're not in this alone.