Some moments freeze in time. The cold of a doctor’s office. The harsh fluorescent lights. The voice of the doctor, grimly empathetic, as they deliver the news both dreaded and never dreamed of: it’s cancer.
This diagnosis is never easy to stomach. And it’s that much harder when it comes to your child.
How can parents possibly cope with this? The emotions are overwhelming, and it seems you are alone in the world. But let this truth burrow into your heart: you are not alone. Neither is your child because if they have anyone, they have you.
Taking care of yourself and cultivating healthy coping skills is crucial for your health and that of your child and family. We’re here to help you know where to begin when things seem overwhelming.
6 Healthy Ways to Cope with Your Child’s Cancer Diagnosis
#1 – Let yourself grieve.
You’ll experience many emotions throughout this journey – anxiety, anger, shock, confusion, overwhelm, sadness – and yes, grief. Grief will be there even when your child ultimately transitions from patient to survivor. You need to grieve the life you pictured for your family, for what your child is about to go through, for the unfairness of it all. Feel your emotions and express them in a journal, to a therapist, or with a trusted support network.
Don’t box those feelings away without acknowledging them in a healthy, productive way.
#2 – Gather information…but not too much information.
Many parents feel the need to research their child’s condition and gather as much information as possible. While arming yourself with knowledge can be good, it’s also a double-edged sword.
We’ve all been there – Googling symptoms and seeing the worst-case scenarios until we’re a bundle of nerves. When researching your child’s diagnosis, lean only on reputable sources. Avoid going down the rabbit hole or “doom scrolling.”
Learning about your child’s diagnosis can empower you to make better decisions on their behalf, but too much information can be overwhelming and stressful. Limit your intake accordingly.
#3 – Ask questions.
Cancer is complex. It’s not a singular disease but rather a classification of many. Cancer in children is distinct from cancer in adults. Needless to say, you may have a hard time wrapping your head around it all. Ask questions when information, procedures, or treatments don’t make sense to you. If you don’t understand or don’t feel comfortable, ask for clarification. The better you understand, the better you can support your child.
#4 – Lean on your support system.
You are not alone. Even if you are a single parent or have no one you think will understand what you’re going through, there are resources you can connect with, like support groups, therapists, faith leaders, and non-profits.
Sometimes, we don’t want to ask for help. Or when we do, we don’t know what to ask for. Be willing to ask. Many people in your community and beyond would love to support you if only they knew where to start.
#5 – Manage your well-being.
Even as your child’s health takes center stage, it's crucial to remember to care for yourself. You are their support and their greatest advocate, and your well-being is paramount. Strive to maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Practice mindfulness or stress-relieving habits. And amidst the challenges, continue to find moments of joy and laughter in your day.
#6 – Take it a day at a time.
Finally, take your child’s cancer journey a day at a time. While you do want a long-term view and to plan appropriately, things don’t always go the way we think. And ultimately, you will never regret cherishing every moment you have with your child.
Be flexible. Create some sense of normalcy. And even as you yearn for the finish line, for the day the bell rings, remain in the here and now. Give yourself grace when things get hard.
At the end of the day, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating your child’s cancer journey. The best you can do is support your child, be their advocate, and take care of yourself through it all. Your journey is unique, and it's okay to navigate it in a way that feels right for you and your family.