When your child is impacted by cancer, explaining what is happening – whether to their siblings or the patient themselves – can be anxiety-inducing. We don’t want to scare our kids, but we also want to be truthful. After all, if a child doesn’t understand what’s happening to them or someone they love, it can induce fear and stress. 

Easier said than done…because you’re likely scared yourself!

If you’re nervous about explaining cancer to children in your life, keep reading. These are just a few things you can do to help your child leave the conversation feeling knowledgeable and empowered, not afraid.

8 Steps to Explaining Cancer in a Non-Scary Way

Step 1 – Use Simple Language

Tailor your explanation to the child’s age and understanding level. Avoid using medical jargon and complex terms. If you’re having trouble, as your child’s oncologist for ways to explain things in basic, easy-to-understand words. 

Step 2 – Explain the Absolute Basics

Begin by explaining that our bodies are made up of tiny cells like building blocks. Sometimes, these cells can grow and multiply too much, and when this happens, it’s called cancer. Explain that while we don’t always know what causes cancer, we have skilled doctors and nurses who care for us and work very hard to make us healthy again. 

Step 3 – Compare it to Something Familiar

Use analogies or comparisons to familiar objects or situations to help them grasp the concept. For example, you can compare cancer cells to flowers in a garden that grow out of control. They take up all the space, making it difficult for other plants to grow. The gardener (doctor) needs to remove some of the flowers so the garden can be healthy again.

Step 4 – Emphasize That They Didn’t Cause Cancer

Ensure the child knows that cancer is not caused by anything they did or didn’t do. It’s essential to remove any sense of guilt or responsibility. While adult cancers are often linked to lifestyle factors, that’s not the case for pediatric cancer. Nothing anyone did caused it. 

Step 5 – Focus on the Importance of Treatment

Let them know that doctors and scientists work to help people with cancer get better. Explain that treatments, like medicine, surgery, and sometimes special machines, can help fight cancer. Help them understand that they’ll probably be going to the doctor a lot, but that’s because they’re going to find the best way to help them get better.

Step 6 – Reassure Them that They’re Not Alone

Ensure the child knows that people with cancer have friends, family, and healthcare professionals who care for and support them during their treatment. As a parent or guardian, take special care to be present for your child even as you deal with your own emotions. Check in, ask them how they’re feeling, and offer constant comfort and support. 

Step 7 – Answer Their Questions Honestly

Encourage the child to ask questions, and be honest with your responses. If you don’t know the answer to a question, let them know that you’ll find out together. Sometimes this can be tough, especially if your child asks things about death and dying. Help them see that they’re not going through anything alone and that you’ll be with them every step of the way. 

Step 8 – Share Positive Stories

If you know someone who has successfully overcome cancer, you can share their story with the child to provide hope and reassurance. Plenty of inspirational stories and books are written for kids about overcoming and coping with cancer. Seek out these stories and the testimonies of cancer survivors. They’ll help you feel more hopeful, too!

Step 9 – Be Patient and Empathetic

Children may need time to process all this information and may have emotional reactions. Be patient, and offer comfort and support. As hard as you try, it’s impossible for a child not to be emotionally impacted by a cancer revelation. They will need time to process everything, messy emotions included.

Step 10 – Provide Coping Tools & Resources

Do what you can to provide your child with helpful coping tools. These will be different for each child – some will find comfort in journaling and art projects, while others will seek out distractions. They may want to talk with a counselor or spiritual leader. Help connect them to the right people and projects that facilitate healthy processing and coping. 

Remember, be honest and open while maintaining a positive and reassuring tone. Tailor your explanation to the child’s age and emotional maturity, and always be there to address their concerns and provide support.