Thanksgiving brings families together—and with them come questions. For children with cancer and their siblings, the dinner table can feel like an interview they didn't sign up for. 

Well-meaning relatives ask about treatment, prognosis, and how everyone's "really doing," often forgetting that kids are listening, absorbing, and trying to figure out how to respond. It can feel awkward and invasive.

This year, let's prepare our children with tools they can use to protect their energy, maintain boundaries, and still feel connected to family who have the best of intentions.

Preparing Kids Before the Gathering

The Power of Practice

Before the big day arrives, practice responses with your children. Make it a game—you play the nosy aunt, let them try different answers. Show them it's okay to redirect, deflect, or even politely refuse to answer. They don't owe anyone their medical story, not even Grandma.

Help them identify a "safe person" at the gathering—someone who can rescue them from uncomfortable conversations. Create a signal: tugging an ear, using a code word, or simply making eye contact. When deployed, this person swoops in with "Hey, I need your help in the kitchen" or "Come see what I found outside."

Creating Boundaries That Stick

Teach children this crucial truth: "I don't want to talk about that" is a complete sentence. They can say it kindly, but they can say it. Other variations that work:

• "Let's talk about something fun instead"
• "I'm taking a break from cancer talk today"
• "Ask Mom/Dad about that stuff"

For younger children who might freeze when questioned, give them a physical "out"—permission to simply leave the conversation and find you. No explanation needed.

For the Child in Treatment

Kids facing cancer often feel like their illness becomes their entire identity at family gatherings. Here are responses that help them reclaim their sense of self:

When asked "How are you feeling?"

• "Today, I’m excited about pie!"
• "I'm focusing on fun stuff today."
• "Fine! Did you see the game last week?"

When asked detailed medical questions:

• "I don’t want to talk about doctor stuff today."
• "Mom knows all those details."
• "I'd rather hear about your new dog."

When someone comments on appearance changes:

• "Yeah, things change. Hey, what video games do you play?"
• "Thanks for noticing. Can you pass the rolls?"
• "I'm trying out a new look!" (said with confidence)

The golden redirect: Teach kids to become expert conversation shifters. After a brief response, immediately ask the adult a question about themselves.

For Siblings: The Forgotten Interviewees

Siblings often field their own painful slew of questions, usually variations of "How's your brother/sister?" and "You must be such a big help." They need tools too.

When constantly asked about their sibling:

• "They're okay. What grade is cousin Sarah in now?"
• "Today we're both just being kids."
• "You could ask them yourself—they're right over there."

When praised for being "so strong" or "such a helper":

• "Sometimes. What are you watching on Netflix?"
• "Everyone helps in our family"
• "Thanks. Can I have more mashed potatoes?"

When compared to their sibling:

• "We're both doing our best"
• "Everyone's different in our family"
• Simply change the subject—no response required

For Adults: Coaching from the Sidelines

Your role isn't to prevent all awkward moments but to support your children through them. Watch for signs of overwhelm: withdrawn behavior, sudden stillness, or that glazed look that says they've hit their limit.

When you intervene, do it smoothly: "Sorry to interrupt, but I need to borrow this one for a minute." No explanation needed. You're the parent; you get to protect your child's peace.

Consider having a conversation ahead of time with key relatives. A simple text: "The kids are excited to see everyone. We're keeping cancer talk to a minimum so they can just be kids at Thanksgiving. Thanks for understanding."

Create Emergency Exits and Comfort Zones

Create physical spaces where kids can retreat. Maybe it's a cousin's room with video games, a quiet corner with books, or simply outside with the family dog. Let them know it's okay to take breaks from the group.

The Ultimate Response

If your child remembers nothing else, teach them this: "I don't know" is always acceptable. They don't need to know their treatment schedule, medication names, or prognosis details. They're allowed to be children who simply don't know—or don't care to discuss—medical details.

This year, our children might navigate conversations they shouldn't have to face. But armed with these tools, they can maintain their boundaries, protect their peace, and maybe even enjoy their turkey. Because even in the middle of treatment, kids deserve to just be kids…especially on Thanksgiving!