You've just left a meeting with your child's oncology team. The scan showed something. The treatment isn't working as hoped. There's a new plan, a longer timeline, another protocol to try. And now you have to go tell your child.

There's no script that makes this easier. But there are ways to have this conversation that help your child feel informed, supported, and still part of their own team.

6 Steps to Breaking Bad News to Your Child

Step #1 – Start With What You Know

Kids can sense when something's wrong, and the unknown is often scarier than the truth. You don't need to have all the answers before you talk to them, but sharing what you do know helps reduce their anxiety.

Try starting with: "I talked to the doctor today, and I want to tell you what we learned." This opens the door without surprising them or building unnecessary suspense.

Be honest about what's changed. If the current treatment isn't working as well as hoped, say that. If there's a new plan that means more time in the hospital or a different medication, explain it clearly. Kids don't need medical jargon, but they do need truth they can understand.

Step #2 – Match Your Child's Age and Understanding

A six-year-old and a sixteen-year-old need very different conversations. Younger children often do better with simple, concrete information: "The medicine we've been using isn't working as well as we hoped, so the doctors want to try a different one. It might make you feel tired, but it's going to help your body fight harder."

Older kids and teens usually want more details. They may ask direct questions about why something didn't work, what the statistics are, or what this means for their future. Answer what you can honestly, and it's okay to say "I don't know yet" when that's the truth.

Pay attention to how much information your child is asking for. Some want every detail. Others need the basics and time to process before they're ready for more.

Step #3 – Let Them React However They Need To

Your child might cry. They might get angry. They might go quiet or say "okay" and want to go back to watching their show. All of these responses are normal.

Don't rush to fix their feelings or convince them it's going to be okay. Sit with them. Let them know their reaction makes sense: "I know this is really hard to hear," or "It's okay to be upset about this."

If they're not ready to talk, let them know you're available whenever they are. "We can talk more about this later if you want. I'm here."

Step #4 – Be Honest About Your Own Feelings—Carefully

It's okay for your child to know you're disappointed or worried, too. That honesty can actually help them feel less alone. But they shouldn't have to manage your emotions or worry about you falling apart.

Saying "I'm sad this treatment didn't work the way we hoped, but we're going to figure out the next step together" shows them that hard feelings are allowed while you're still steady enough to move forward.

If you need to fall apart (and you absolutely shouldn’t feel bad if you do), save it for your adult support system that can handle it.

Step #5 – Focus on What Happens Next

After sharing difficult news, kids often need to know what comes next. It gives them something concrete to hold onto.

Talk about the new treatment plan, the timeline, what will be different, and what will stay the same. If they'll still be able to do something they care about (see friends, go to a sibling's game, keep their stuffed animal with them), mention that.

Let them know who's on their team: their doctors, nurses, you, their siblings, friends, and their Cancer Kickers family. They're not facing this alone.

Step #6 – Give Them Some Control

When so much feels out of their control, small choices matter. Ask if they want to hear more now or later. Let them decide if they want to tell friends themselves or have you help. See if there's anything that would make the next treatment phase easier—a new blanket for the hospital, a specific snack, or picking out a movie for infusion days.

You Don't Have to Get It Perfect

There's no perfect way to deliver hard news. You might stumble over words. You might cry when you didn't plan to. Your child might react in ways you didn't expect. That's all okay.

What matters most is that you showed up, told the truth, and made it clear that you're in this together. Your kid doesn't need you to have all the answers or say everything perfectly. They just need to know they're not alone.

And neither are you.