The parents and guardians of pediatric cancer patients are in unique circumstances full of stress, hope, and heartbreak. Most try to put on a brave face for the sake of their children, but the truth is, it’s hard – even unimaginable.

When you know someone whose child has cancer, you want to offer your love and support in any way you can. But if you want to be truly impactful, supportive, and encouraging, there are a few things you need to know first.

7 Things Pediatric Cancer Parents Wish You Knew

#1 – I don’t know what I need, but I’m overwhelmed.

A child’s cancer diagnosis turns the whole family’s world upside down. It’s great to offer your help but understand that general offers aren’t effective. Parents in this situation are often exhausted and overwhelmed. They need help but don’t know what to ask of you or how to ask. Some people aren’t comfortable accepting help to begin with – let alone telling you what they need!

#2 – Your actions speak louder than words.

You might not know what to say, and that’s okay. Being there for them matters. You don’t need the perfect words. You aren’t going to cheer them up with the right sentiment. Be okay knowing that a child’s cancer journey is a process for everyone. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. Offer support knowing that it won’t fix things, but it will make life a little easier to manage in the meantime.

#3 – I don’t need to be told to stay positive.

As much as it’s tempting to say that “things will be okay,” you don’t know that they will. It’s okay not to force positivity in the middle of a stressful, uncertain, and at times, bleak season. The parents of these kids are already trying to put on a brave face. Sometimes it’s more effective to recognize that this situation is truly awful. Be there in their grief and pain rather than trying to soothe it with platitudes and empty encouragements.

#4 – I feel isolated and alone.

One of the worst things you can say to the parent of a child with cancer is that you “know what they’re going through.” Even if by chance you also have a child with cancer, in which case you have more room to talk, each family’s journey, diagnosis, and prognosis are different. Pediatric cancer can leave parents feeling totally alone and alienated from their social support network.

Reach out. You might not understand what they’re going through, but you can be there and be a friend.

#5 – Giving constant details and updates is exhausting.

For whatever reason, we humans have the compulsion to gather all the details. The truth is you don’t need to know every little thing about a child’s cancer journey. It’s up to the parents and the child to choose what they will and won’t put out there. For parents, repeating themselves over and over again to answer questions and give the latest update is exhausting and demoralizing.

If you’re close to the family, you might want to offer to be the go-between: the person who passes on updates and answers questions for them. If not? Don’t ask for details you don’t need to know!

#6 – I’m stressed out about more than cancer.

Dealing with cancer is a huge stressor by itself, but parents have a lot of other stresses that are exacerbated by it. Going through cancer can damage familial relationships between parents and children, spouses, and friends. Not only that, but there may be stresses about finances, keeping one’s job, or just keeping up with daily chores. There are a million things on a cancer patient’s parent’s mind.

#7 – Practical help is the best help.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving care packages and little luxuries to pediatric cancer patients and their families. We encourage it! Just know that, oftentimes, it can be far more impactful to offer practical help. Offer to go grocery shopping. Organize a meal train. Mow their lawn or do their laundry. Pick their other kids up from practices or take them out for a fun evening. Offer to babysit.

There are so many things you can do! They may not seem like a big deal but easing the pressure and stresses of daily life is so meaningful.

At the end of the day, pediatric cancer patients and their families need to feel loved and supported by their communities. So, help them take care of their mental and emotional health while they focus on their child’s physical health!